D.esire
A million dollars.

R.esources Needed
A million dollars.

E.motional Energy
I need to feel like a million bucks.

A.ction
Receive a million dollars.

M.anifested?
A MILLION DOLLARS!

Today is August 6, 2010, and this marks precisely 30 days before my 30th birthday on September 6.

I have decided that I would mark the final month of my 20s by reflecting back on the most influential moments of my life.

Influential Moment #1: Birth/Existence

I was born on September 6, 1980 at the OSU Medical Center-Main Campus in Columbus, Ohio to Monica and Scott. 

This collage contains pictures from my first year of life. Being an infant and all, I don’t really have memories of that first year of my life. Only these pictures. Wanna hear more? Ask my mom, who probably took all of these pictures, and therefore isn’t in most of them. As you can see I was a big, bald-headed, happily confused looking baby, clueless of the journey ahead, but eager enough to get it going. Nothing in my life could have unfolded had my parents not given me life. What’s more influential than that?

Well, I’m finally claiming my own little piece of Internet Real Estate. It’s nice to own something!

Stay tuned for all the pieces of me to come together. Right now, all I’ve got is a DREAM an idea, and a women’s club. I’m fast to learn so I’m not slow to earn.

In the meantime, if you know me, or 3 sentences is all you need to be enough to comment, please do so below. I’m learning how to do one of those subscribe doo-hickeys too, but I figure I’d best get something worth subscribing to on here first.

Tomorrow is another day.

Happy and gratefully,
KishaLynn

P.S. That’s me up there. I am a smell the flowers kinda girl, for sure. Even [especially] if they are painted flowers. It took one month for me to figure out how to get that picture up there.

P.S.S. I promise to make it look prettier here soon.

1. Shock and Denial: 

NO fucking WAY@Candace_Parker is out for the rest of the JUST STARTED 2010 Season!!!

2. Pain & Guilt

My HEART HURTS!!! And I feel so bad that I missed a few of the @LA_Sparks home games @Candace_Parker played in this year. 

3. Anger and Bargaining

FUCK!! I can’t believe this shit! Why is this happening to me?!? Tell you what, I’ll buy season tickets for the life of the franchise if @Candace_Parker comes back AT LEAST for post-season. 

4. Depression, Reflection, Loneliness

Woe is me. Life is not worth living without those beautiful babyhairs on the court. Who will love me now? 

5. The Upward Turn

Well, @LA_Sparks may do ok without @Candace_Parker. Look at last season when she was out on maternity leave. *looks at last season* Oh….:(

6. Reconstruction and Working Through

Life can go on without @Candace_Parker on @LA_Sparks. We still have other great players that can surely…*breaks down crying*

7. Acceptance and Hope

I will find a way to embrace this change, and root for my team anyway. I hope we can still pull out some tolerable games, but if not, I hope we get #1 Draft Pick 2011!!!!!!!!  

I've jumped out the window and am free-falling on this website/blog project. People have been hired and paid. Domains have been purchased. Services have been registered for. I have got to do this. I am all about the A. ACTION. DO SOMETHING. 

Tonight's goal was simple. I am going to upload a custom header image to my website, which uses the Thesis theme (what the hell is that right? right!) Should be easy enough. I mean, there was a time in my life where I wrote HTML code from memory (15 years ago….*sigh*) Well, follow me on this journey if you dare, and marvel at how I got anywhere….

So….down the rabbit hole.

1 Step forward: First, I visit my website. Yep. Still looks lame and empty.

OK, so let's log-in to my site as an admin and have a look around. 

2 steps forward. I log in as admin. Okey dokey. Look around for magic button that says "UPLOAD CUSTOM HEADER IMAGE HERE!" Seeing none…

1 Step back: Google "Insert Custom Header Image in Thesis". Hooray. First result is an article entitled "How to Add Your Custom Banner Image to the Thesis Theme Header" 

1 Step forward: Click on the article and review. Hmmm, first three sentences look promising. Yes, I'm exactly the kind of idiot newbie described. Scroll past some stuff that I don't think applies to me….

1 Step forward: Ready an image. Done. I hate it, but I have to start somewhere. Don't sweat the small stuff. Sweat the idea of hundreds of your dollars going to waste. Dread the idea of remaining at your J.ust O.ver B.roke. Ask self–is the fact that this header image is not perfect right now worth you not achieving your goal? No? I didn't think so. Onward. To "FTP your image to your host server." Good lord I haven't FTP'd anything since 1996. What the hell is a host server?

1 Step Back: Google "host server". Determine that mine is hostgator. I think.

1 Step back: Google "FTP to hostgator". Get "download this free FTP program."

1 step forward: Download FTP program. Open it. *blank stare* It needs a Host, a Username, a Password, and a Port. Hmmm.

1 Step back: Google "Host name for HostGator". It's my domain name. Duh. (Thank God for the dumb ones that came before me with these dumb questions. There's nothing wrong with a dumb question!!)

1 step forward: Log into the FTP program with proper host name, user name, password, and port. Some stuff happened on the screen! Cool! *glances around* Hmm….no "CLICK HERE TO UPLOAD IMAGE" button. 

1 step back: Google "how upload header image in thesis theme using FTP". Find a blog that explains in a foreign language called English. *blank stare* Ooo wait! A video that shows you how to do it AND insert the image into my header on Thesis-JACKPOT! 

1 step back: Watch the youtube video. 

1 step forward: Follow the steps on Youtube until….I discover the tutorial is for an older version of Thesis, so the pathways aren't the same. ARGH! 

1 step back: Begin cursing. Click around the FTP program looking for the Images file. Find one under the right domain though it's not the content folder as directed in the youtube. what the hell, why not?

1 step forward: FTP the image from local disk to remote server. VICTORY IS MINE!

1 step forward: Log into as admin on domain and select custom file editor. Could I be nearing the end of the tunnel????? Ummm…no. Because once again what appears on my screen is totally different from what's on the Youtube video. BLAST! All that's in my "custom file editor" is a blurb about why it works. Where's all the funky code looking stuff in the youtube guy's video?? 

3 steps back: root around some more, scrutinize the video, look back over the blog and BINGO! Find the code I'm supposed to be cutting and pasting into the custom file editor. 

1 step forward: cut and paste the code into my custom style editor. Ummm…ok. 

1 step forward: Replace the image URL in the code with the URL for your custom image. Uhhh….ok I know I FTP'd the image to my host server, but it didn't exactly spit out a URL for me to insert into this code. *SIGH* *FUCKING SIGH* 

1 step back: Seek out the URL for the image I FTP'd…try typing my domain name/image name into browser. 404 fail. FUCK!!!!!!!

1 step back: Try copying and pasting a pathway from the FTP program into browser. Closer, but still no dice. 

1 step back: Remove /public_html/ from FTP pathway and replace with www. so it looks like an actual URL…and SUCCESS…..oh wait, it's the wrong image. SHITTTTTTTTTLLLLLLLLEEEEEES!!! *echo* *echo* *echo*

4 steps back: Redo the entire FTP thingy with the right image file. 

2 steps forward: Correct image FTP'd. Code copied into custom file editor and URL replaced with my custom image URL. Click "Big Ass Save Button" and hold breath. 

1 step forward: Go to website to review the fruits of my labor. Custom image appears…well, half of it anyway because the banner is too big. 50% FAIL! 

10 Steps back: figure out how to resize photos on a Mac. Spend exactly 6 seconds missing the familiarity of Windows, and then, Aha! 

1 Step Forward: Adjust custom image size to fit website header. 

7 Steps back: Redo the entire FTP thingy again with resized image. Screw up three times. 

1 step forward: Finally get a smaller image loaded, only now it's too small. But screw it, it's on there! And if I take one more step forward or back, I'll go mad, so clearly it's time to stop here. The mission for the night is accomplished. 

The bottom line: If I know nothing else from this 4 hours exercise, I know how to get a custom picture to appear on my website's header. Finally. It still looks all janky to be damned (hence why I have not included my URL…yet. But those really pressed could probably figure it out. Or ask me.) I will work on it more tomorrow night, and every night. Until I die, or make at least $1 from Google or Paypal. 

The bigger point is I pressed through. And even when negative emotions threatened to overwhelm me, I just cussed and moved on–to getting it done. 

So yes people…This Stuff's Working!

And goodnight. 

P.S. Big ups to www.fourblogger.com for the blog post (http://fourblogger.com/how-to-upload-header-image-or-logo-in-thesis-theme/) and youtube video () that guided me through this hair-pulling process…

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My mom once asked me what things she taught me that led to me living successfully as an adult. It didn't seem like a question I could answer right away, not due to any scarcity of such things, but mostly due to the need for observation and reflection through that lens. How much of what I do, how I do it, how I live, what I think, who I am, is directly influenced by lessons from my mother and the things I learned by growing up under her care, as her daughter, while also observing her life? I hadn't a clue, because I had never really pondered it. We all know that the first decade or two of being an adult is usually devoted to fucking it up, then fixing what you fucked up. By the time, you get to the point where you really begin to think about how the things your parents taught you have shaped your life, or not, they are usually gone. That was my mother's experience. However, this posed to me now, by her, begged an answer sooner. So I began the self-observation and reflection needed to respond in a meaningful and truthful way, as any thing else would have felt and been generic. And my mom is REALLY good at seeing through fake shit.

I built the list below over the last two and a half years since she first asked. Anytime I experienced a moment in life, or reflected on a memory influenced by a lesson that I learned from my mother, I wrote it down. The number 10 is not significant or indicative of the breadth of lessons, nor is the two and a half years significant or indicative of any difficulty in deriving these lessons. These are just 10 truths, organically discovered through this time and process. The list bares no explanation now, beyond these two paragraphs detailing its origin. I love and appreciate my mom for each one, and the countless others not listed.

1. Split your money 3 ways: save, spend, share.
2. Adapt. Embrace change as a necessary part of life.
3. Don't be a victim. Always stand up for yourself. If someone hits you, hit back harder.
4. Treat yourself: Buy the things that you want when you can.

5. Love to read and appreciate good music.
6. When you want something, don't put your hand out. Figure out if you can get it on your own or wait to be offered.

7. Live and have a better life by going further, doing more, and avoiding some of her mistakes.

8. Keep your promises when you can.
9. Forgive.
10. Forget.

This poem is dedicated to anyone strong enough to be grateful for the storm.

Serenity In Chaos
by KishaLynn M. Elliott

I don’t always know the way the road is rolling
But I am certain of the way that I’ll stay going
Ahead, for I am sure and constantly knowing
That I’ll soon reap from all that I’ve been sowing
If along the way my loved ones need some towing
Or light where darkness dims what once was glowing
I’ll push, I’ll shine, I’ll die to keep love flowing
For truth and good stay with me never slowing
So cease the useless worrying and woeing
Just trust that all your dreams will make their showing
As God does the divine work of bestowing
Keep gratitude beside your heart never forgoing

1/20/2010