Top 10 Success Traits I Learned From My Mother
My mom once asked me what things she taught me that led to me living successfully as an adult. It didn't seem like a question I could answer right away, not due to any scarcity of such things, but mostly due to the need for observation and reflection through that lens. How much of what I do, how I do it, how I live, what I think, who I am, is directly influenced by lessons from my mother and the things I learned by growing up under her care, as her daughter, while also observing her life? I hadn't a clue, because I had never really pondered it. We all know that the first decade or two of being an adult is usually devoted to fucking it up, then fixing what you fucked up. By the time, you get to the point where you really begin to think about how the things your parents taught you have shaped your life, or not, they are usually gone. That was my mother's experience. However, this posed to me now, by her, begged an answer sooner. So I began the self-observation and reflection needed to respond in a meaningful and truthful way, as any thing else would have felt and been generic. And my mom is REALLY good at seeing through fake shit.
I built the list below over the last two and a half years since she first asked. Anytime I experienced a moment in life, or reflected on a memory influenced by a lesson that I learned from my mother, I wrote it down. The number 10 is not significant or indicative of the breadth of lessons, nor is the two and a half years significant or indicative of any difficulty in deriving these lessons. These are just 10 truths, organically discovered through this time and process. The list bares no explanation now, beyond these two paragraphs detailing its origin. I love and appreciate my mom for each one, and the countless others not listed.
1. Split your money 3 ways: save, spend, share.
2. Adapt. Embrace change as a necessary part of life.
3. Don't be a victim. Always stand up for yourself. If someone hits you, hit back harder.
4. Treat yourself: Buy the things that you want when you can.
5. Love to read and appreciate good music.
6. When you want something, don't put your hand out. Figure out if you can get it on your own or wait to be offered.
7. Live and have a better life by going further, doing more, and avoiding some of her mistakes.
8. Keep your promises when you can.
9. Forgive.
10. Forget.
Wow kid!! First let me say that as I read the first few sentences here, I was thinking, “Well damn! I asked her that over two years ago!!” As I read on, it pleased me to no end to find that you remembered the exact timing of when I posed the question, and I also remembered that at the time, your response was that you wanted to answer and would, however the question itself was one that you would need to take some time to gather your thoughts before you could respond. Days, weeks, months and years went by along with many changes and advents in both of our lives since then. So to come home tonight and find this post is like a true gift at the end of a day that has held a couple of unexpected surprises. Thank you for the homage. And thank you for reminding me of some of my own fundamental truisms that brought me through my life as a single parent, (although I had 2 husbands) and got me to the place where I am today. I have to admit, that #9 & #10 have been a bit difficult for me to walk out lately, given that there are huge rifts in our family right now (and you know what I’m talking about). I have not taken steps to bridge those gaps and all I can do is pray. For them, and for me, that it does not take someone passing on to bring us together again. Of course there is #3 which, for me has been key in my survival all along the way. I am very fortunate to have a daughter such as you! You continue to amaze me every day and my heart swells with love and pride that God chose me and trusted me to usher you into this world. Everyone whose life you have touched is better for it. This I know with every fiber of my being. That you as an offspring actually found what you learned from me your mother, to be valuable and valid, well it means so much to me. And now I have it in writing lol!!! Love you so very much my Kisha!Your Ma